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HOLD ON!

Cameron, run for your life!!!

Concerning Taylor Hicks, the multi-talented Justin Timberlake recently said:

“People think he looks so normal, and he’s so sweet and he’s so earnest, but he can’t carry a tune in a bucket.”

Okay, Mr. Timberlake... your new single "Sexy Back" is completely electronic... so, I can't tell if you can "carry a tune in a bucket," or not.

“If [Hicks] has any skeletons whatsoever, if God forbid, he’s gay, and if all these people in Mississippi who voted for him are like [then he takes on a thick southern accent], ‘Oh my god, I voted for a queer!’ It’s just too much pressure.”

Nice... considering, J.T.'s former band mate, Lance Bass, just "came out." Really sensitive, Justin.

You are a jerk.


I really liked this response to said comments that I found on You Tube. Enjoy!

I am a bit behind in my news... and I am currently watching the MTV Music Video Awards...

Why are all of the new "hip" bands dressed like they belong in the 1800's? You know how I loves me some period costume... but what pretentious bull sh*t!!!

Blahhhhhh.

Watering Flowers on Mount Kilimanjaro

For the past several months, I have been writing for a very small local newspaper. My new vocation has brought me a lot of joy. Below is my article from last month's edition, entitled "Watering Flowers on Mount Kilimanjaro." Our latest edition debuts today. I reach the heights of hard-hitting journalism with my article on the grand opening of Waleska's brand new Dollar General store. I promise to post it here very soon.

Watering Flowers on Mount Kilimanjaro


Dad and Fred in the garden (Dad is the one on the left).

Planting season is a very big deal in my household. In a previous life, my dear father was a gifted commercial landscape designer. If you have enjoyed a 7-Layer Burrito or a Whopper in southeast you probably have seen his work. Dad landscaped many fast food restaurants in the region. Because of this, family road trips have always been amusing. We would pull into one of the said restaurants and Dad would say things like, “you kids see that tree behind the 99 cent extra value menu- yeah, I planted that.” As a kid I found this legacy pretty cool- I still do. Since Dad left the landscaping business all of his creativity has been focused on our yard. Ever since moving to this community we have had to contend with new planting issues such as wildlife, frequent treks to Home Depot and watering flowers on Mount Kilimanjaro (explanation below).

Our famed community, in my city-girl opinion, is pretty much smack dab in the middle of a vast wood. If you live in Sherwood Forest you are bound to have wildlife “issues.” The deer and the squirrels have been our main adversaries. There are certain plants that deer love to snack on. In my opinion, Dad wasted his time conducting extensive research into which foliage the deer will and will not eat. I have my own theory on this matter. I call it my (patent pending) pretty plant / ugly plant theory. Basically, if a plant is attractive the deer will consume it. If a plant looks like a hybrid crossbreed of a root vegetable and something you would normally douse with Round-Up then they won’t come within a mile of it. Squirrels are a completely different matter. The GIGANTIC squirrels that reside in our yard enjoy consuming their acorns at a stylish alfresco location, otherwise known as our deck. Our furry friends are shameless slobs, the deck is often covered in the remnants of their gluttony. I haven’t seen this much food garbage lying around since my little brother moved out five years ago. Our 17 lb. cat, Fred, is absolutely no help in the squirrel population matter- he rarely even venture off of our deck. Fred’s idea of exercise are his numerous round-the-clock visits to his food bowl.


Fred, the 17 lb. wonder cat.

Then there are those dreaded words often uttered to me by my father, “want to go to Home Depot?” I am not a big fan of shopping, of any kind, and “The Depot” (as we refer to it) is pretty much on the bottom of my list. It is not the products that bother me, but the customers. Most of the weekend consumers are young couples with 2-16 small children hanging off of them, or running amuck around the garden center. Whenever I feel a tinge of depression, due to the fact that I am unmarried, living at home and about to slam into 30, I just look at these red-faced, drooling rugrats and I feel much better. Did I mention that I saw a child lying in the open deli case at the grocery store recently? That has turned me off of potato salad for life. Sorry… I digress. After much contemplation, Dad selects his newest plants and we are on our way home. Alleluia!

While I did inherit my Father’s obscure sense of humor (Mom just doesn’t get us), I DIDN’T get his green thumb. Agricultural homicide has been a lifelong crime of mine. That’s why I was shocked when I asked Dad if I could water his new plant “babies” while he was at work and he said, “yes!” I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Let’s just say that our yard is not exactly on a level surface. It feels as though I am watering exotic plants on Mount Kilimanjaro, or for a more local reference Sharpe Top Mountain. The only tether I have is the water hose, and even with that, I am embarrassed to report, I have ended up on my back sliding down the cliff more than a few times.

Who knew gardening was such a perilous occupation! Oh, well, I guess that it’s worth it for “the beauty of nature” (and all of that other “compost”- just kidding). I just feel blessed to live in such a gorgeous setting- even if it means fleeing from huge rodents, dodging unruly children and risking a bruised backside.

Happy gardening!

Funnel Cakes @ I-HOP = Delicious Goodness

I would like to shake the hand of the freak that came up with this.

This past weekend my folks wanted me to go with them to look at new cars they are considering purchasing. Okay, I am 29-years-old and these "outings" don't have quite the gleam on them as they did when I was "younger." I would much rather stay home, listen to cheesy tunes on my generic CD Walkman (I am still sans I-pod), and squander countless hours of my life on-line. Well, Dad gave me that sad face when I told him that I really didn't want to go. I am such a push-over! I said to Dad, "I will go if we stop for funnel cakes at I-HOP for lunch" - I had just seen the saliva inducing commercial. This leads to an automatic "YES" from Pop. Dad had ulterior motives with this answer. He is a sugaraholic... and has diabetes. The mere sight of sweet food stuffs causes him to enter into a sugar high that most heroin addicts would envy.


My heart attack inducing lunch. Is 29 too young to start having chest pains?

Well here it is. (Yeah, I took a picture of my meal! What of it?!?!) Two eggs, two strips of bacon, hash browns and two funnel cakes! (I opted out of the complementary fruit topping on the funnel cakes - it sounded way too "healthy.") So much for losing 20 lbs... though, I could not finish the monstrosity. Serving funnel cakes outside of a craft fair, or a Billy Ray Cyrus concert, could only happen in this country. I have never been more proud to be an American.

*weep*

Haters: don't hate Tay cause you ain't Tay!

Taylor Hicks shares with us all of the "possibilities" available through Ford.

Sorry, I sort of stole my title line from Father Crunk. (See previous blog entry for more info on Father Ricardo Bailey.)

This is how it is. I spend a few hours every week volunteering at a Native American museum. This time usually consists of me sitting behind a very tall desk with NOTHING to do. Well, this week, I ended up reading the Sunday Atlanta Journal Constitution cover-to-cover. I found this little tidbit in the letters to the editor.

Hapless Ford shows why it's stuck in a rut

I see "Soul Patrol" leader and new American Idol (laugh) Taylor Hicks a-singin' and a-stompin' in a new Ford commercial. Hot dog! Goin' to go out an buy me a Ford for sure now! Get a grip. No wonder the Ford Motor Co. continues its slide into oblivion. Signing on a marginal nobody such as Hicks to represent its products only confirms that Ford is desperate for any hope of future significance in the world market. Ford's desperation mirrors that of the United States over its image, while the world and the U.S. media continue their barrage of criticism about what is wrong with America as a nation and a culture. Things have to change or I may follow Barbra Streisand and her liberal Hollywood ilk to another country (Iraq?), as they have so often threatened. Just kidding.

KEN, Alpharetta

Okay...

As I am sure you can guess, I have MANY problems with this "rant." Number one is this statement-

"Signing on a marginal nobody such as Hicks to represent its products only confirms that Ford is desperate for any hope of future significance in the world market."

I know I am biased, but…"a marginal nobody?!?" Like him or not, Taylor Hicks only just won the biggest singing competition in the world… with MILLIONS of votes. Taylor is the "American Dream" - he said it himself. He has worked for years to get where he is, he is not an overnight sucess. Mr. Hicks is changing our culture in so many positive ways. He is not your typical airbrushed, jaded celebrity. In my opinion, Ford couldn't have picked a better spokesperson. Ford attached itself to American Idol, not necessarily one person, so I guess if Katherine McPhee had been the winner she would have be the one "a-stopin'" in the commercial. (Or rolling around the floor, or whatever that is that she does - BTW, I hope Katherine is feeling better, and back with the tour very soon :>). That is okay, this cheesy show, American Idol, has become such a big part of the fabric of our culture. Plus, it has a GIGANTIC audience. Connecting itself with the program shows Ford's very earnest attempt to become an American, and world, staple once again. My second problem with this letter is Ken's final statement-

"Things have to change or I may follow Barbra Streisand and her liberal Hollywood ilk to another country (Iraq?), as they have so often threatened. Just kidding."

That is a statement you really shouldn't mess around with - even if you are "just kidding." I know A LOT of Soul Patrollers who would love to buy Ken his very own one-way ticket to Iraq.

*passing collection basket*

Just kidding.

Sorry, guys. I have just been witness to so much Taylor Hick's bashing lately - I had to vent.

BTW- I didn't include Ken's last name... because I am nice like that. :>

President Bush and Prime Minister Koizumi: Graceland or Bust!

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi and President and Mrs. Bush take a stroll in front of Graceland.

President Bush and Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi took a trip to Elvis Presley's, world famous, home, Graceland, today. When I first heard this, I thought that it was a joke - no such luck. I can't wait to see what Jon Stewart will have to say about this tonight.


The Prime Minister modeling some Elvis (the later years) style shades.

It turns out that Prime Minister Koizumi is a HUGE Elvis fan. He even had a statue erected in Japan to pay homage to "the King."


From the ridiculous to the sublime: The Lorraine Motel, Memphis, TN.

On a much more serious note, the party of world leaders made an unscheduled stop to view the assassination site of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., the Lorraine Motel.


The rock 'n roll royal family join the visiting dignitaries. The Japanese Prime Minister is still lovin' those shades!

To read more about the field trip click here.


Only in America: the infamous "jungle room."

While I find all of this very amusing, I am not sure if our Commander in Chief should be participating in such a trivial venture when Americans are currently being injured and killed in a war zone. Don't mention diplomacy... it just doesn't feel quite right to me.

Just my opinion...

Gloria: I Heart U2

The Arctic Monkeys only wished they were this cool! Presenting U2's awesomely cheesy 1981 music video for their song Gloria. I adore this song! Make sure that you check-out Bono's mullet--breathtaking!

It's TuesTAY!!!

Taylor Hicks' single drops today!!! WOO!!!

The first time that I heard the song Do I Make You Proud I wasn't too crazy about it, but it has grown on me. This really happened when I heard the full studio version of the song. I have always loved the lyrics, but the added lyrics are simply beautiful. I have posted them below--check out the new lyrics, they are in blue.



Do I Make You Proud

I’ve never been the one to raise my hand
That was not me and now that’s who I am
Because of you I am standing tall

My heart is full of endless gratitude
You were the one the one to guide me through
Now I can see and I believe it’s only just beginning

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

I guess I've learned
To question is to grow
That you still have faith
Is all I need to know
I've learned to love myself in spite of me
And I've learned to walk the road that I believe

(Chorus)
This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

(Bridge)
Everybody need to rise up
Everybody need to be loved
To be loved

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you do i make you proud

(Chorus)
This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger that I’ve ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Is do I make you proud
Do I make you proud

Father Crunk: It's Hard out here for a Priest

This is a great story! This past weekend one of my very best friends gave me a copy of this article from the Atlanta Journal Constitution about Father Crunk. (Thank you Margarita!) Father Crunk (aka- Father Ricardo Bailey) is a priest from Holy Spirit Catholic Church in Atlanta. Father Bailey has a unique brand of preaching, and has been a regular on Atlanta's Q100 radio station. He brings slang and pop culture into his teachings- with a powerful, and very often hilarious, result. I hope to make it out to one of his masses very soon.


Father Crunk

The gospel according to Father Crunk
How a priest is sharing the Word on pop radio
By Kevin S. Austin
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution Published on: 05/05/06

The church sex scandal, the secular society and now the "DaVinci Code" all make it hard out here for a priest.

Not for the Rev. Ricardo Bailey, though — aka the Dude, aka Father Crunk.

Bailey weaves Hollywood headlines and the holy word into inspirational messages. He delivers the hip-hop homilies every Monday morning at 7:30 on Atlanta's pop FM station, Q100.

Of Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson rising above a reported shouting match, he said, "Jesus did it, so can you." Of snide comments about Jennifer Garner's post-baby figure, he warns, "Don't hate me cause you ain't me."

He's fast-talking and funny, with a steady patter about "haters," "brothers" and his boss, "the Lord Jesus Christ." Short and stout, he wears a pencil-thin beard on his round face.

"It's all about putting that spiritual bait out there for people," says Bailey.

Father Crunk's day job is parish vicar at Holy Spirit Catholic Church on Mount Paran Road, where he celebrates Mass at least 10 times a week, counsels the faithful and hears confession.

It's a long way from the million-dollar mansions that surround Holy Spirit to the streets of Sweet Auburn, where Bailey, 32, grew up. Raised on his mother's tough love and the crew hanging at the Butler Street YMCA, Bailey studied at Xavier University in New Orleans and St. Mary Seminary and University in Baltimore and was the country's only diocesan priest ordained in 2003. Last year, Archbishop Wilton Gregory assigned him to Holy Spirit.

His sense of humor and love of Jesus bridge the gap between his childhood neighborhood and his new neighborhood.

Music helps, too.

Sunday he broke into "I Am on the Battlefield for My Lord" during Mass. Thirteen hours later he broke into "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt on Q100. Unaccompanied, of course.

Please click here to read more.

I also urge you to go to Q 100's web site and listen to Father Bailey. He is awesome- and as Father Crunk says, "don't hate me cause you ain't me!"

Taylor Hicks Sacrificed on the Altar of Wal-Mart

Taylor and I had something in common yesterday. I bought cat food and conditioner at Wal-Mart, and he went to their corporate shareholders meeting--as the entertainment. (Well, that was kind of a stretch.) As I have said many times before, I am not too big a fan of Wally World, but I can't be a hypocrite--I am a FREQUENT patron. So, I will let this one slide for Mr. Hicks--anyway, I know these "gigs" are lined up for him by the Idol puppet masters. I have heard that these corporate events pay BIG. The video of Taylor's performance at the event is worth a look-see (although, I am convinced that Wal-Mart has encrypted it with subliminal messages, buy lots of our crap… ignore the fact that we don't provide health insurance for all of our employees-- even though we are worth billions… forget that we can bring you these "falling prices" only because most of our products are produced by six-year-old underpaid sweatshop workers in third-world countries… ignore the fact that we are destroying small town America one Supercenter at a time). Maybe, that was a bit harsh… maybe. There is a REALLY funny part in the middle of the video where Taylor starts shouting the names of different countries. I am sure he was given the list to acknowledge all of the corners of the world that the shareholders are from. It reminded me of that Howard Dean moment where he started screaming the names of cities he was coming to during his presidential campaign--and we all know how things went for Mr. Dean after that fiasco-- I am sure the same fate will not fall on the Idol winner. Not only can Taylor rattle-off geographical locations, but he also shows-off his sweet dance moves and harmonica playing skills in the video.

Not to worry… I still LOVE Taylor! :> I just hope he doesn’t get "pimped out" by Idol again in the future… one can dream. Click on the image below to view said video.

Appearance of Rainbow at Auschwitz during Pope's Visit

I have to admit, this story has stirred something in my soul. (Yeah, even more than all of my posts about Taylor Hicks.) Over the weekend the new holy father, Pope Benedict, was visiting the Nazi death camp Auschwitz. While he was there, an absolutely beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky. I know that the religious cynics will say that it was just a coincidence- personally, I don’t believe in coincidence. That this happened to this particular pope is so amazing. A couple of days before, the Holy Father celebrated Mass in Poland (the home of his predecessor Pope John Paul II)- 900,000 people attended!!! It gives me goose bumps just to think about it.



This is what a reporter said from the often liberal TIME Magazine-

Almost as if on cue, as Benedict's voyage to Auschwitz drew toward its close early Sunday evening, the wind picked up and a cool rain began to fall. The final ceremony began with the Pope pausing to pray at memorials in the different languages of the 1.5 million killed. But by the time he reached the final plaque, the rain had stopped, the umbrellas were tucked away, and the pack of reporters noticed that across the broad field of half-standing brick barracks of Birkenau, a vivid rainbow had appeared. The editors of TIME, like those who A. M. Rosenthal worked for back in the 1950s, would surely not normally consider this news. But on a day that the German Pope came to Auschwitz to ponder God’s silence, that surprising explosion of colors seemed well worth reporting.

To view the entire article please click here.

God bless!!!

Water Slide: buy this for your kids or they will hate you

I spied this monstrosity at Wally World (a.k.a.- world dominator, and bane of all humanity, Wal-Mart) yesterday. It is a gigantic, inflatable water slide. It didn’t look as cool in real-life as it does in this pic. The best part is that you can soothe your guilty conscious by indulging your neglected, runny-nosed, latch-key rug rats for a mere $249.77!!! Back in my day, if you were cool, you had a Slip ‘N Slide. So, naturally, I didn’t have one. Though, my kid brother and I had a “ghetto” Slip ‘N Slide. My Folks were too cheap to buy us a real one, but they did break open the wallet to spring for a roll of black plastic tarp (damn, that thing got hot) and free rein over the water hose. Talk about a deprived childhood. I may need therapy.

If you are bored check out this moderately amusing video of some college guys demonstrating an indoor ghetto Slip ‘N Slide.

Have a happy Memorial Day- hug a veteran!

Just a Few Chips Short of a Bag

Holely chip! Get it?

In more news of the weird, a Michigan woman claims that she found the image of an angel emblazed on a potato chip. I don’t know… I really don’t see it. To me it just looks like a potato chip with a big hole in it. I would be really upset if this is the work of God- doesn’t he have anything better to do? When it comes to food resembling religious icons, I still prefer the nun bun.


The nun bun, a cinnamon roll which is said to resemble the late Mother Teresa, was stolen last year from the Tennessee coffee shop that produced it.

Marie Antoinette Booed in France… AGAIN!

Pretty in Pink: Kirsten Dunst (center) as the notorious French queen.

Back in the day, Marie Antoinette was beheaded for infuriating the people of France. This week the former French queen was renounced… again… sort of. It is being reported that at its debut screening at the Cannes Film festival, in France, director Sofia Coppola’s rock-n-roll interpretation of the abbreviated life of Marie Antoinette was booed. This is a bit disappointing, but I am still really looking forward to seeing this film (surprisingly, entitled Marie Antoinette). It is in my list of the top five films that I can‘t wait to see- which I will be posting here very soon.

To check out the early trailer for Marie Antoinette click here.